Goddess of Love (1988)

Aphrodite, considered by the Greeks to be the Goddess of love, is thrown out of Mount Olympus by her Father, and is made to be a marble statue until she can win the love of a mortal. Well played by Vanna White she's pretty good looking, although the marble looks more like plaster of paris to me.

In modern times, two chancers steal her, still in statue form, after participating in a museum tour dressed as women. Leaving her unattended in a garden, they reckoned without the possibility of Ted Beckman, played by David Maughton, placing a wedding ring on her statuesque finger and bringing her to life. The rest of the film is an even less credible slapstick chase between Beckman and the two original thieves. The film director Jim Drake has a lot to answer for, allowing weak acting and weak dialogue and weak ... well, direction.

Aphrodite gets into an unoccupied car and presses radio and air-conditioning buttons to try to start it. She then magics it into life, and drives away. She can drive perfectly except for knocking over two rubbish bins that are strategically placed to destroy any idea of realism. We see the contents of one of the bins ... one empty pizza carton and one sheet of newspaper ... believable, hey?

In his efforts to foil the opposition, Beckman induces Jimmy (David Leisure) to put on an improbable wig and a coat made to look like a dress, so as to look like Aphrodite going out of the house.

HF November 2003

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